


The Jeff Chronicles

by Vythian



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Fluff, and he smells terrible, his name is Jeff, just so much fluff, probably dolls later, wynonna gets a dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:32:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7644673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vythian/pseuds/Vythian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waverly Earp was prepared for a lot of things. Wynonna bringing home a dog was not one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jeff Chronicles

Waverly Earp liked to think of herself as someone who was prepared for everything. Late-night research sessions, surprise dates with her girlfriend, remodeling the homestead, natural disasters, mystical demon-people intent on killing her and her family and everyone they loved. Waverly Earp felt like there was nothing that could surprise her anymore.

Waverly Earp was wrong.

“Wynonna…..Hey! Wynonna!” Waverly shook her shoulder harder, nearly pulling her from the couch in the process. All Wynonna did was grumble and attempt to roll over. Waverly huffed in exasperation before stomping out of the room, still in her bathrobe and fuzzy slippers.

She trudged through the kitchen and out to the back porch, where a bucket of nearly frozen water sat beside the door for the mornings in which Wynonna had particular trouble waking up and Waverly was particularly tired of acting as an alarm clock. She wrapped her bathrobe tighter around her midsection to fight off the early morning chill and reached down to grab the bucket, careful to avoid spilling any of the frigid water on herself.

She stomped back into the living room and, with a mischievous grin on her face and her surprise momentarily forgotten, emptied the contents of the bucket onto Wynonna’s head.

“WAVERLY WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Waverly tried to cover her giggles with her free hand as Wynonna threw herself into a sitting position, desperately trying to wipe the water from her face and chest. Her giggles turned to full-blown, belly-shaking laughter as Nicole came barreling down the stairs in her tanktop and sleep shorts, her gun in one hand as her other desperately tried to rub the sleep from her eyes.

Nicole stopped on the landing and lowered her gun in confusion. The commotion that had woken her, at 7:30 on a Saturday morning, didn’t appear to be any danger. It was such a strange sight that she almost swore she was still asleep. Wynonna was sputtering out a string of very colorful language and had resorted to dancing in place as she tried to get rid of the freezing water that was running down her back. Waverly was doubled over, her arms around her middle and the water bucket clanking at her side as she tried to get control of her laughter. And laying in the middle of the room, half under the table, was what appeared to be a large, scraggly, and very dirty bundle of black rags. Dirty black rags that seemed to be moving.

“Uh, Wynonna? What the hell is that?” Nicole half-shouted over Waverly’s laughter. She stared at Wynonna and raised her eyebrow in question until her expletive laced tirade died out.

“That?” Wynonna shrugged. “ _That_ is Jeff.”

Nicole stared in disbelief as Waverly finally sobered enough to speak.

She shot Wynonna a playful glare and dropped the bucket. It clanged to the ground, startling Jeff out of his slumber. He struggled to his feet and stared confusedly at the bucket on the ground, as if it had personally offended him by making so much noise. If Waverly hadn’t known better, she would have sworn he looked as hungover as Wynonna. She eyed him warily and leveled another glare at her sister.

“Jeff? Really Wynonna?” She waved her arm around and pointed at Jeff, “You couldn’t have gone with Spot or Midnight or Sparky? You had to pick Jeff?”.

Wynonna shrugged again and looked between Waverly and the large black dog currently wagging his tail all over their living room, “Well he seemed like a Jeff! And he seems to like it just fine,” she grumbled.

Waverly picked up the vase on the coffee table before Jeff’s tail could smack it onto the floor and opened her mouth to argue, but she was cut off by Nicole clearing her throat. She was hoping to distract the Earp sisters from their debate over Jeff’s name long enough to get some answers.

“Wynonna, why is he here? And why does he smell like that?” She waved her hand in front of her face for emphasis, but it wasn’t needed. She was surprised either of the girls could stand to be in the living room when it smelled like wet dog and month-old food scraps.

Waverly and Nicole looked expectantly at Wynonna. Jeff licked at the water dripping from her shirt onto the floor.

“Well…” She paused and looked between them, “Okay so I was at Shorty’s last night to, y’know, clear out while you guys did date night or whatever. And I was on my way home when some kids started laughing, and there was yelping, so I shook peacemaker at them and then he followed me home. And here we are.” She waved her arms around the room for emphasis, her right hand landing on Jeff’s head to scratch between his ears.

The room fell silent as Waverly and Nicole absorbed the information. Nicole crossed the living room, putting her gun on the mantle and wrapping her arms around Waverly. She rested her chin on Waverly’s shoulder and looked from the two of them to Jeff.

“Well, what are you guys going to do? At the very least, he needs a bath.”

Waverly sniffed and grimaced “He needed that like…..yesterday.”

Nicole nodded in agreement.

“Oh come on guys, he doesn’t smell that bad!” Wynonna bent over and sniffed Jeff’s head, then gagged as she scrambled away from him.

“Okay” She panted, “He needs a bath. But it couldn’t hurt to keep him around. He literally will not stop following me. Watch.”

She struggled to her feet and headed for the kitchen. Jeff followed, tail wagging. She looped back around, made a few laps around the coffee table, and headed for the stairs. Waverly and Nicole sprinted to the stairs to cut her off, the last thing they needed was that smell permeating the bedrooms.

“He follows you! We get it!” they said, a little too loudly. Wynonna glared at the two of them before heading for the kitchen, Jeff dutifully following behind.

“Well then, it’s settled. We’re keeping him. Have you started the coffee yet Waves? Because you owe me for that little bucket stunt!” she threw over her shoulder.

Waverly rolled her eyes and turned to follow, giving Nicole a quick kiss and picking up the bucket on her way.

______________________________

 _Several hours later_

As the early afternoon sun chased away the last of the chilly morning air, the girls decided they had dealt with the smell long enough. Wynonna was grabbing soap and a soft sponge from the kitchen, Waverly was laying down a tarp outside and making sure their hose actually worked, Jeff was hiding under the tractor to avoid the hose, and Nicole was fashioning a sort of leash out of spare rope so he couldn’t bolt into the house before they were done. They finished their preparations as Doc sauntered out of the barn to ‘ _observe the fantastic spectacle this was sure to become_ ’ as he had laughingly told the three of them over breakfast. 

He watched Wynonna stride across the yard to the tarp Waverly had set up next to his barn. They were arguing over something, but he couldn’t hear what. He noted that it did seem to be particularly animated though.

“They’re arguing over proper dog-washing techniques.”

Nicole appeared from behind him, rope leash in hand. “Waves is insisting the techniques she researched are better, and Wynonna is strongly suggesting we just squeeze some soap on him and spray him with the hose until he doesn’t smell anymore.”

“Is that so?” Doc chuckled.

“Yea, they had the same argument an hour ago when Waverly was going over the best way to wash a wire-haired terrier/lab mix. That’s what she thinks he might be.” Nicole shrugged. “I better head over before Wynonna ends up on the wrong end of that hose”. With that, Nicole set off determinedly towards the barn.

Doc decided that he could best assist the girls with this endeavor by staying well out of the way. He made himself comfortable on the porch and settled in to watch. He was not disappointed.

Nicole uncoiled the rope in her hands as she reached the tarp and held it out to Wynonna.

“Okay so just slip this part” she held up the circle she had made on one end “over Jeff’s head and we’re good to go. I think he’s under the tractor.”

Wynonna scowled and stared at the rope but made no move to take it. “Well you made it, why don’t you go get him?” she asked.

Nicole sighed in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Because, Wynonna, you’re the one who brought him home. So technically he’s your responsibility”. She held the rope out again, shaking it a bit like she would shake one of Calamity Jane’s cat toys.

Wynonna dropped the sponge into the bucket of water and glared at Nicole, “Well, I don’t want to strangle him with that thing and besides, you’re stronger.” She smirked, “Besides, you’ve got that whole good cop thing going on, so go and rescue the poor stinky puppy!”

“Come on Wynonna, he’s your damn dog so go and get him!” Nicole was yelling now, but there was no way she was giving in. That dog smelled worse than garbage day in the city.

Wynonna lost all semblance of composure and yelled right back, steadfastly refusing to take the rope leash. “Well I rescued him! So the least you can do is help get him clean!”

Waverly looked between the two of them, their voices getting louder and their arms waving around more and more emphatically. She sighed and picked up the hose. After making sure the spigot was on, and that neither Nicole nor Wynonna had noticed, she pointed the hose in their direction and opened the nozzle.

The chorus of cursing and spluttering that replaced the yelling was music to her ears. She strolled over to Nicole, snatched the rope leash, and stalked over to the tractor, mumbling an “I am completely surrounded by children” as she went. They could hear Doc laughing from the porch of the main house.

She approached cautiously. Jeff seemed to be friendly, but Waverly had no idea if that friendliness extended to individuals who wielded hoses and soap. She rounded the side of the tractor and spotted Jeff under the engine area.

“Here boy, Come on out” she murmured. Jeff didn’t budge. Waverly tried a few more times before turning on her heel and stomping back to Nicole and Wynonna, who were still soaking wet and dripping all over the ground.

“All right, I tried, now the two of you can go and get him out.” They opened their mouths to argue, but Waverly cut them off and pointed to the tractor.

“Together. You can go together.” She sighed in exasperation.

It took Wynonna coaxing from the front and Nicole pushing from behind, but they finally got Jeff leashed and out from under the tractor. Nicole walked ahead, a huge grin on her face, as Wynonna half led, half dragged Jeff over to the tarp.

Waverly crossed her arms and fixed them with her stern, I-am-not-messing-around face.

“Alright” she huffed. “Wynonna, you make sure he doesn’t freak out and hurt himself. Nicole, you’re in charge of the hose. I’ll be in charge of soap, because I’m the only one who did the research.” She turned and yelled towards the house “Doc! Make sure he doesn’t get into the house!”

Doc tipped his hat in affirmation and the girls got started.

With minimal complaining from Wynonna and a great deal of howling and whining from a very unhappy Jeff, they managed to make it through bath time without any major incidents.

“Okay then!” Waverly tossed down the sponge and stood up. “One more pass with the hose and I think he’ll be ready for drying!” She clapped her hands in excitement and went to get a few old towels while Nicole finished hosing him down.

She returned a few minutes later with an armful of towels and handed them out. They carefully toweled Jeff off, Waverly making sure to get his ears to prevent infections.

Nicole dropped her towel and slung an arm around Waverly’s shoulders. “Well babe, it looks like we did a pretty good job! He smells awesome now!”

Wynonna threw her towel down and slung her arm around Nicole’s shoulder. “We did great!” she sing-songed.

“Alright, I guess we can let him off the leash now” Waverly giggled and slipped the rope over Jeff’s head. He promptly bolted across the yard and flopped down into the dust. Nicole sighed.

“This is going to be a thing, isn’t it?” She smiled down at Waverly and winked.

Waverly kissed her cheek in response and grinned. They watched as Jeff bounded toward Wynonna and nearly bowled her over trying to reach her face.

_______________________________ 

Wynonna, Doc, Nicole, and Waverly were all sat around the firepit in the yard, enjoying the cool spring air and the brilliant starlit sky. Waverly and Nicole were nestled together on the large blanket they brought out from the house while Wynonna and Doc took the chairs, a bottle of bourbon passing between them. Jeff was nestled in front of Wynonna’s chair, it was the calmest he had been all day.

“You know, I think I’m gonna like having a dog. I can get him a badass collar, maybe a mini leather jacket…” Wynonna mused.

Doc took a sip from the bottle and scoffed “It is my experience that dogs are for companionship, not to be dressed up like a child’s toy”.

Wynonna snatched the bottle. She took a large gulp and pointed faux-menacingly at Doc “Well, I think he would look like a badass. And since I’m a badass, it’s like…badass squared.”

Waverly chuckled into Nicole’s side as she reached for the bottle.

Nicole took a swig and smirked “You can do whatever you want with him as long as he never comes home smelling like that ever again!” She dramatically plugged her nose for effect.

Wynonna looked down at Jeff, then looked conspiratorially around at their little group.

“You know,” she started “It’s getting warmer now and it’s almost time to bring my baby out of hibernation…”

Waverly rolled her eyes good-naturedly “We know Wynonna. It’s spring. It’s warming up and the roads are no longer icy. Now you can bring the bike out of hibernation and ride all over town. You’ve only mentioned it 50 times this week.”

“Just don’t speed, I don’t want to have to give you a ticket” Nicole said. There was no threat in her voice as she smiled and winked at Wynonna across the fire.

Wynonna’s smirk became a full-blown grin “I think I‘ll teach Jeff to ride with me too!”

Waverly and Nicole groaned. Doc chuckled to himself. They were in for a long summer.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of turning this into a series of vignettes about the adventures of Wynonna and Jeff, with plenty of domestic Wayhaught and a bit of Wynhaught brotp thrown in. They can be found on my tumblr, but I'll compile them all here as well. If you have any ideas for their adventures, drop by my tumblr and let me know! (parliament-of-owlets.tumblr.com)


End file.
